Money can seem simple, since it’s a matter of math: addition and subtraction, earning and then spending carefully and saving consistently.
But sometimes, we fail ourselves.
Some examples include:
- Failure to take steps that we are capable of taking
- Inaction
- Paralysis
- Being judgmental of others about money while failing to take positive steps
Why does this happen?
Self-sabotage is often an unconscious act, something we neither mean nor want to do. How does this self-destructive behavior arise?
It begins early, in childhood, as our Money Patterns are beginning to be formed. All children have negative experiences, along with positive ones, but negative experiences carry more charge and affect us more strongly.
These negative experiences can lead to a variety of feelings or emotions:
- Loss
- Grief
- Sadness
- Shame
Initially, we hold these feelings inside while trying to understand and cope with them. But eventually, we react to these feelings with a variety of expressions.
Some expressions are directed outwardly:
- Anger
- Blame
- Resentment
- Rebellion
But more often, we cope with our grief by turning inward and seeking coping mechanisms in isolation:
- Depression
- Substance use
- Addictions
- Self-sabotage
It is this latter coping strategy of self-sabotage that can show up in relation to our money management practices. The expression of feelings both outwardly and inwardly can fuel a cycle of increasing shame as we fail to hold our feelings inside, and this shame leads to a feeling of a lack of worthiness. And if we feel unworthy, then self-sabotage becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If we think we can’t manage our money responsibly and fulfill our Money Goals, then this false belief supports all unhealthy money-related actions we take.
Instead, we can choose to follow a series of steps to combat self-sabotage. We must become clear on the risk of continued self-destruction and learn that ignorance is not bliss. Once we are ready, we can take things step by step:
- Contemplation – considering change, but not ready to act
- Preparation – experimenting with change and learning from initial steps
- Action – practicing the new changes for several months
- Maintenance – committing to sustain the new changes for years to come
Relapse may occur, but we can simply begin again with Contemplation. Soon, old patterns will be disrupted and new money patterns will become stronger. And in the future, feelings can be felt and explored without leading to self-destructive behaviors.
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